Using Emotional Intelligence with Your Team

This is part 3 in a multi-part series on emotional intelligence.

This blog post discusses how leaders can cultivate EQ in their daily habits to have the most positive impact on employee emotions and energy -- and get unparalleled results.

Why Is Emotional Intelligence Especially Critical for Leaders?

Two elements of the four-part emotional intelligence equation relate to OTHERS' emotions:

• Being aware of others' emotions
• Influencing others' emotions

Leading means being aware of the emotions of your team and customers AND influencing those people to act in productive and pro-social ways.

And, as discussed in my previous posts on emotional intelligence (Part 1 and Part 2), we all have a negativity bias, including your employees. In fact, your employees place you as a leader SQUARELY on the THREAT side of the trust-threat continuum. Because of this, you must use EQ to combat this tendency and engage team members with trust and psychological safety.

Why Are Leaders Viewed as Threats by Employees?

As a leader, boss, manager etc, you have some level of control (perhaps COMPLETE control) over each employee's wages, which means their access to food, shelter, clothing, healthcare... and indirectly to mental health, feelings of safety, security, etc.

Sorry, this is how your employees see you.
_{Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com}

A job loss can create chaos for an employee, to say the least. So, as a leader, you wield immense power and this is inherently threatening to employees. They may not be conscious of it, they may not articulate it in this way, but it's 100% true and you cannot wash this off yourself -- you can only work to overcome it.

How Can I Lead My Employees with Emotional Intelligence?

The good news is that you can use your positive energy, wisdom and skill to overcome the negativity bias in others. Here are some techniques:

Connect!

Spend one-on-one time with employees regularly (I suggest weekly). This face time (and I recommend face time) is all about them. Ask them questions, learn what they're up to, answer questions, provide support, etc.

Get to know them personally - family, personal interests, etc. 

Show Gratitude and Appreciation

• Share tons of appreciation.
• Be clear on expectations and goals.
• Share helpful redirective feedback.

Ask Ask Ask Questions!

Ask more questions! Asking questions to learn and to get their insight is an incredibly powerful tool! People feel respected, safe, and important when you ask them questions. Plus, research says people view you as more intelligent when you ask more questions.

Here are some ideas:

• Ask for input on strategy.
• Ask their opinions on how a meeting went.
• Ask how they felt about a difficult situation.
• Ask them to provide input on an issue you're dealing with.
• Ask them how things are going for them in their job.
• Ask them how you are doing as a boss and how you can support them better.

Keep Them Informed

Information creates safety. This can take many forms:

• Tell them the direction of the department and company.
• Be clear about job expectations.
• Create team core values so they know the big picture of what's important to your team.
• Let them know the good and bad about their performance as soon as possible.
• Give insight into the big picture - help them feel aware and included in the direction of the team and the company at large. Share information from more senior leaders, company plans, and company performance results.

Adapt to THEM!

You're the boss, so you can expect your team to adapt to YOUR communication and style preferences, right?

WRONG!

That's a recipe for creating LESS trust and safety.

The way to lead with emotional intelligence is to adapt your personal style to each employee whenever possible. This can involve:

• Learn about the differences in behavioral preferences using a tool like DISC and adapt to their preferred communication styles.
• Spend time chatting with employees who are more talkative, even if you hate small talk about your home life.
• Ask them to go into more detail about their fears and concerns about a project, even if your bias-for-action personality wants to just get started -- and you think that the details don't really matter that much.
• Avoid putting introverts on the spot in meetings. Invite them to speak up, but don't press the issue. Then, ask them their opinion later in a private setting.

Select Leaders Carefully

One thing that you cannot overlook in the effort to lead with emotional intelligence is hiring and promoting the right managers in your organization. Only select leaders who demonstrate high emotional intelligence, even if you have to accept a lower level of technical skill.

If you make mistakes in promoting/hiring the wrong managers, you will see an increase in complaints and turnover and a reduction in effort, growth, and creativity.

Conclusion/TLDR

Emotional Intelligence is critical for leaders of people. It involves influencing others emotions and energy. You can do this by:

• Connecting with others personally
• Showing gratitude frequenly
• Asking a lot of questions
• Adapting to others' personality preferences
• Hiring leaders with EQ

Mike Lyons is an HR professional and consultant in the Austin, TX area. He can be found on LinkedIn.