Giving Feedback about Interpersonal Skills
Feedback is the lifeblood of creating a high performance culture. It’s the compass that guides us toward improvement. Yet, when it comes to providing feedback about interpersonal skills — especially to those in leadership positions — many of us falter.
But feedback, particularly regarding interpersonal skills, is crucial for employees at every level. And as a leader, you have a responsibility reinforce and redirect behavior and this is possibly most important in the area of interpersonal skills.
A Story About Interpersonal Skills Feedback
I know a leader who really failed in this area. She had two team leads in her clinic — one at the front desk and one leading the MAs — and both created interpersonal problems in the office. They both exhibited bully behaviors but they were both allowed to do so by the clinic manager’s inability to give feedback.
One of the leads ended up quitting after creating a ton of dissent and upheaval at the front desk. The other lead was instrumental in causing a key employee to quit. There was gossip, distraction, employee turnover, and confusion. All of it caused unnecessary work for the clinic manager, the physicians, and HR. The clinic had higher employee turnover than they should have, which cost the clinic real money in many ways.
Why Interpersonal Skills Feedback is Hard
I get it. It’s tough to give feedback on interpersonal skills. Here are some reasons:
The behaviors are hard to describe
We don’t always directly observe the behaviors ourselves
Interpersonal skills are more personal and provoke more defensiveness
Feedback is just hard to give, in general, for a lot of people
The key to giving feedback about interpersonal skills is defusing these inherent problems, so I’ll endeavor to solve them in this blog post.
Why Feedback on Interpersonal Skills Matters
Leaders, regardless of their position within the hierarchy, are the architects of an organization's culture. Their interpersonal skills – how they communicate, motivate, and inspire – shape the very foundation of the workplace.
Here's why providing feedback on soft skills is essential:
Interpersonal Skills Touch Everything: How your team communicates and interacts will build or destroy productivity, culture, retention… everything.
Poor Interpersonal Skills Are Infectious: When you allow poor people skills to propagate in the team, they will continuously lower the standards until negativity and poor behavior become the norm.
Feedback Sets An Example for Others: When you address issues via feedback, leaders learn that giving feedback is the norm. They see you doing it and they repeat that behavior. Front line employees learn how to give feedback and they start doing it among themselves.
Feedback Reinforces Good Behavior: If you don’t reinforce the good things you see and hear, it won’t be repeated.
Unveiling Blind Spots: We all have areas where we can improve. Feedback offers people valuable insights into how their actions and behaviors are perceived by others, allowing them to address any unintended negative impacts and refine their interpersonal approach.
Providing Feedback About Interpersonal Skills: A Roadmap
Delivering feedback on interpersonal skills requires a delicate balance of respect, empathy, and directness. Here's a framework to guide your approach:
1. Foster a Foundation of Trust:
Trust is the bedrock of effective feedback. Invest time in building strong relationships with your team. Create a safe space for open communication, active listening, and mutual respect. This foundation of trust will ensure that your feedback is received constructively. It’s never to late to start building trust, so begin now.
2. Ask For Permission:
Before diving into specifics, clearly state your intention to provide feedback and ensure the recipient is receptive. You might say, "I've noticed some things that I think could be helpful for your development as a leader. Would you be open to hearing some feedback?"
3. Focus on Concrete Behaviors:
Avoid generalizations or subjective interpretations. Instead, describe specific behaviors and their impact.
For example, instead of saying, "You seem disengaged in meetings," try, "In the last few meetings, I noticed you haven't been actively participating in discussions and you’ve been on your phone a lot."
Warning - Sometimes all you’ve got to go on is complaints or feedback from others. If all you have is information from third parties (i.e., you haven’t observed the behaviors yourself), this is a tough situation. But sometimes that is all you’ve got. I do think you often need to share feedback from third parties, as long as you share it properly. My advice:
Try to gather specifics on the behavior before sharing the feedback — get as clear as you can
Only share this type of feedback if you’ve encouraged the source of the feedback to handle it themselves first
Let them know you haven’t observed the behavior yourself.
Only share feedback from third parties if it seems credible and well intentioned.
Realize that third-party feedback is still valid and don’t undermine it. Share what you know and ask the person to view it as useful data.
I had a boss who once needed to share this type of feedback. It was hard to accept because it was coming from an anonymous source and my boss couldn’t confirm it. But because I care about my professional perception, I worked on the feedback and it made me more effective. This is the correct response.
4. Illustrate the Impact:
Explain how the observed behavior affects the team, the organization, or even the person themselves. This helps them understand the consequences of their actions and the importance of making adjustments.
For instance, you could say, "When you don't actively participate in meetings, it can stifle creativity and prevent the team from benefiting from your expertise."
5. Ask them to Work On Improving:
Ultimately, they will be responsible for changing. Get their support by asking “Can you work on that?”
It often makes sense to brainstorm ways to address the problem. But don’t force it. We need their buy in and acceptance of the issue before trying to mandate solutions.
Other Tips to Give Interpersonal Feedback Successfully
Provide specific and actionable suggestions for improvement. Frame your suggestions as possibilities rather than directives, empowering the leader to choose the best approach for their development. For example, instead of saying, "You need to be more assertive," try, "Perhaps you could try sharing your perspective earlier in discussions to ensure your voice is heard and your ideas are considered."
Acknowledge their strengths and past successes to create a balanced and supportive feedback experience. This reinforces their value to the organization and encourages continued growth.
Encourage the leader to share their perspective and ask clarifying questions. This fosters a collaborative approach to feedback and ensures mutual understanding.
End the conversation by expressing your confidence in their ability to grow and develop as a leader. This reinforces your support and encourages them to embrace the feedback positively. This isn’t about the dreaded “Feedback Sandwich” where you end on a piece of distracting positivity. This is about showing that you believe in their ability to be successful and that you want to support that success.
After delivering feedback, check in with the leader to see how they're implementing your suggestions and offer ongoing support. This demonstrates your commitment to their development and reinforces the importance of continuous improvement.
Conclusion: Feedback – The Catalyst for Leadership Excellence
Feedback is the compass that guides others toward their true north. By mastering the art of providing constructive feedback to those under your leadership, you create a ripple effect that elevates individual performance, strengthens teams, and drives organizational success.
Remember, feedback is an investment in your leaders, your organization, and ultimately, your collective future. Embrace it, cultivate it, and watch your leadership team flourish.
If you want to help cultivate a culture of feedback in your team, contact me and we can discuss some ways to help.
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