Getting Out of a Negative Headspace

I had a low point a few weeks ago - emotionally.
It's not normal for me, but I had a day where all I could focus on were the things going wrong.
I stumbled onto a tool that helped me out and I want to share it.

This is a tool rooted in the science of Emotional Intelligence, because it asks you to look internally at your emotional reality and it can shape your emotions, as well.

On the left side of a piece of paper, I decided to list the negative thoughts. Write them out. Put them down in ink. All of the thoughts about myself which were defeated, wrong, and pulling me downward. All of the reasons I shouldn't believe in myself.

And then, on the right side of the page, I wrote counterfactuals. The positive things about me. The reasons I should believe in myself. The facts which refuted the negative lies. Not overly sunny, not trying to fool myself -- real truths about me.

The attached photo is the actual page I used. Redactions to protect the innocent. 😆

This is a powerful exercise. You can do it for yourself. You can do it for a team member or a family member. Remind yourself or your loved one that they are awesome. They have done awesome things. They have amazing traits.

But also, acknowledge the crappy feelings. Don't pretend the negative thoughts aren't there. Get them out and write them down. Be honest with yourself about the nagging graffiti painted on the walls of your mind.

And then, review your lists. Decide consciously which stories about yourself that you want to believe. For me, once I saw these lists laid out, it was clear to me that the positive stories about myself made more sense. That the negative stories were just twisted and over amplified -- or the mistakes were at least understandable and not devastating.

Mike Lyons is an HR professional and consultant in the Austin, TX area. He can be found on LinkedIn.